Antoinette “Netty”

You know that person you look up to as a young kid? The one that is a real person, haha. Not your Michael Jordans or your Kobe Bryants (RIP to the greatest). Netty was that for me. Netty played volleyball and basketball at USC and ended up coaching the 2nd team of the club I played for in 13s. She didn’t coach me all that much, but I remember her vividly through that year. I remember her coming over for dinners and long talks she had with my mom. My mom was basically a second mom to Netty then and later down the road. After that season, Netty went to play in Spain and I was crushed. I am unsure she even knows that I was sad about it but Netty was the first person I actually knew on a personal level that played high level college sports. She was a successful, young black female athlete and I was an even younger black female athlete living in a predominantly white area, searching for role models that were real. Besides my aunts, I didn’t know that many black females, and I saw myself in Netty. She represented what I could be and what I could achieve in sports and in life!

When Netty came back from Spain, we picked up right where we left off. But this time, I was older and a little brattier, I think. I had bounced around from team to team for a while, searching for the right fit for me. In an area where volleyball was so impacted, it was a full time job for my mom and me to figure out where the best place for me to play was, all the time. My junior year was off to a really rough start after a tough finish to my club season my sophomore year and then making the JV team as a junior, to then be kicked out of the program pretty early in the year (that’s a story for another day). My motivation was pretty low and my passion for the sport was growing smaller by the day. My parents were searching for ways to keep me involved in volleyball and I really didn’t have the desire to do so. Lucky for me Netty was going to head coach a 17s team for Southern California Volleyball Club (SCVC) and she wanted me to play for her. The team wasn’t as high of a level as I had been playing on previously, but it gave me the opportunity to play for a coach and person I really respected and loved, all while still playing volleyball and occupying my time. I had no clue what the rest of the year was going to have in store for me and to say I chose the right team that year, would be a vast understatement. 

World shifted

On December 2, 2005 my friend and classmate, Casie Hyde, got into a horrible car crash and lost her life. I was devastated. Casie was the person at school that got along with EVERYONE. She was a light in a dark, twisty, high school world. We were preparing for the annual Powder Puff game at our school where I was a wide receiver and she was a quarterback. We had our game day poses and celebrations already planned, it was going to be epic and we were going to be the greatest wide receiver/quarterback duo the school had seen, at least in our minds. I got my license the same day as the accident, so when I found out about it all, it was so surreal. I was driving a friend home from a party the same night, just minutes prior. I was at the same light, making the exact same turn she did. She wasn’t the first person I had lost in my life (another topic I will touch on down the road), but she was the first real friend. I was floundering a little bit. In a year that is always thought to be one of the most important when it comes to colleges and your future, it was 100% one of the toughest of my life, to date. I remember going to practice that next week and just feeling like I was in a fog but also knowing it was the best place for me to be, because of Netty. 

Netty allowed me to feel and be what I needed to throughout the entire grieving process. She gave me a safe place and outlet during, what was then, one of the hardest moments of my life. She turned into my confidante and one of my best friends. I went to her for everything. We talked about boys, school, life, death, all of it. She taught me life lessons without really having to say much. She was more than a mentor, she was family and she understood me, deeply. Up to that point, I didn’t have a friend that I could really release everything to and I think that’s normal for 16 year olds. Your peers are not the best to talk to, but your parents are too much sometimes. Netty was the perfect inbetween for me and I could see it clear as day during those moments. I slowly came out of that fog and started living and doing things for Casie because she didn’t have the chance to anymore. The season went on, we started traveling and my life was getting back to its normal rhythm, or so I thought. 

World shattered

In April of 2006 my team was in Dallas, Texas, for a tournament when I got a phone call that my friend Devin was in the hospital. Long story short, Devin passed away on April 28, 2006 from complications due to MRSA. Devin was a friend of my brother’s growing up but as they grew apart, Devin and I becamecloser. He was an older brother to me. He would pick me up from school, give me all sorts of life lessons in his truck and tell me to stay away from boys. He motivated me to be better than I was being, in school and in sports. He had gotten the chance to go play college football at University of Tulsa and was in his first spring season with them when he contracted the infection. About a day later, when I was flying home, I was told that it had in fact spread to his kidneys and his lungs and he was placed into an induced coma. So here I am, in a darker, deeper hole than I was in December and here Netty is again as my shoulder, confidante and biggest supporter.

I will never forget that first tournament I had to play in after Devin had passed. April 28th was a Friday that year and I had a tournament on Sunday. Missing was not an option because Devin would have been so mad at me if I did that. We were getting ready to play our first match of the day and we were warming up, but I couldn’t get through the warm-up and I just kept crying and had to leave and go to the bathroom. I was the captain on my team that year so when they called captains up to do the coin toss, I was nowhere to be found. Finally, Netty came into the bathroom to find me crying, just standing there. I was lost. I had no idea how I was going to make it through that day, let alone life, without him. I don’t remember exactly what Netty said to me in the bathroom that day, but I do know that I walked out of there, head high and finished out the day of competition. 

World revived

Netty was my person that year, through all of it. From getting kicked off my high school team, deciding I wasn’t going to play in college anymore, the loss of two friends, my worst academic year to date and then deciding again I actually did want to play in college. She rolled with it. She let me find myself all while guiding me and helping me figure it out along the way. She was what I needed in the most impactful year of my life. She made me want to be a coach to help others the way she helped me. I thought that if I could be that person for even just one kid, I could change a life because that is what she did for me. She changed my entire life. It is a year that I will never be able to forget, even if I wanted to. It is the year that I have the most vivid, painful memories, that have really molded me into who I am and what I value now. She is the one person in my life that heard and knew all that I was going through that year. She picked me up and helped me put myself back together piece by piece. 

To have a person like that in your life is truly a gift. Netty is one of the best gifts I have been given, ever. I am unsure of the person I would have become had I gone through that year without her. I have a strong family system, there is no doubt about that. My mom and dad are ALWAYS there for me and help me through everything in life, my junior year included. But to have someone like Netty, who isn’t a parent, to talk to and help navigate through difficult times in life, is different. She was everything to me and even to this day when people ask me the most impactful person in my life besides my family, she is the person I always say, without any shadow of a doubt. 

Netty, thank you for being everything I needed and more, not only that year of my life but throughout the entirety of my life. Thank you for being the big sister I never had and a constant supporter of who I am and what I do. You changed my life. You helped me be a stronger woman and made me believe I could truly do anything I wanted in life. You made me feel heard, accepted and empowered. You helped me understand the world a little bit better and you brought out joy during a time when I thought that was impossible. I am so beyond grateful to you and I will never be able to thank you enough for the impact you have made on me as a person and now as a coach. Who I am and why I am the coach I am today, has so much to do with what you were for me. My motivation to help young athletes, stems from you helping me all of those years ago and for so many years after. My appreciation and love for you is endless.