A Culture of Comparison

Harmful comparison

I have been thinking a lot about the culture that has been created from what I can only assume is social media. Don’t get me wrong, I believe that social media can be very powerful and positive in certain ways. But, I also believe it can be detrimental to a person’s psyche, especially young people because all they do is compare their lives to the lives of others, whether they know the person or not. When I was growing up, I wasn’t bombarded with the intricacies of the lives around me. I wasn’t made aware of every party I didn’t get an invite to or where each athlete from across the country was going to college and when they made their decision. There were no college commitment photos or photos of friends' elaborate vacations. You were not privy to everyone’s every move throughout their days, driving you to believe that your life was not as exciting as the next person’s. This environment that has been shoved down our throats, constantly reminds you of what you don’t have, how “unsuccessful” you are in comparison to what you see, what you’re missing out on, etc. And something that I notice A LOT when speaking to young women in particular, is the self-doubt that comes from all of it.

There are two parts to this for me. The first is just the overall negativity I hear constantly and the second is the lack of celebrating others' successes. The negativity towards oneself is what stands out to me most and what I feel needs to be forefront in our minds when helping young people. Part of me starting to write on all of these topics was to make others — young females specifically — aware that no one’s life is all sunshine and rainbows. That the people they look up to and turn to for answers have struggled too, sometimes more than they realize. That the person they see now, is an entirely different person than the one they would have seen five years ago, two years ago or even six months ago. The concept of learning through struggle is a foreign one but one that is ultimately the most powerful. With all of us only putting the shining moments of our lives on social media, we don’t expose what it took to get there and we are portraying this image of perfection, even though we all know that is not reality. As adults, we can look at someone’s page and understand that social media is where everyone shows the world the great pieces of their lives, while still knowing there is another side to all of it. As a young person, they don't comprehend that in the same way. They look at the perfection of another teenager’s page and think that they are the only ones struggling, with feelings of sadness, loneliness and uncertainty.

Now, don’t get me wrong, it is not just the younger population that views life this way. There are plenty of times that I go home for holidays and I have family members that say to me, “Wow! Your life is so exciting! You go on so many trips and always look like you’re having the best time.” Well, yeah, I don’t post that I spend 80% of my time working and another 15% of my time at home watching tv on my couch alone. They just see the portion that I post on social media, which is probably less than 5% of my life and looks thrilling. And it’s the curse of the culture, right? No one wants to see me sitting in my office working or on my couch alone watching tv. That’s not entertaining in the slightest. So instead, we post the exciting content and we all make it look like that’s the majority of our lives, which it isn’t. 

Here is what I think we need to relay to the younger population. First, life is more than a series of pictures in beautiful places, with beautiful people. I, we, have been through tons of struggle, heartbreak and less than ideal times financially. We have changed careers and questioned ourselves too many times to count. We have done the same things they do in comparing ourselves to others that are the same age, race, gender, etc., and thought that we were not good enough, pretty enough, tall enough, skinny enough — really, the list is endless. BUT, from all of that came the people we are today. From the brief moments of doubt, we realized that comparison does nothing but slow us down from where we want to go and who we want to be.

Celebrate success

That brings me to the second part of all of this. We must celebrate the success of others rather than feel bad for ourselves that we are in a different place in life. We must spread positivity to those around us and by empowering them, we will in turn, empower ourselves. There are plenty of 30 year olds out there that have bought houses, are traveling the world and make so much money it’s ridiculous. GOOD FOR THEM! I am thrilled when I see one of my friends killing it in life, getting engaged and glowing from all the good that surrounds them. It inspires me to be better, to do more, to find what makes me happy! Each one of us is on a different path and that is more than okay. Be grateful for what you have and look to others for inspiration. If someone in your life gets into their dream college, lands their dream job, finds the love of their life, that is to be celebrated. Put yourself in their shoes. If it were you, you would be so excited and having others be excited with you only adds to the feeling of accomplishment and/or joy. Going through the journeys of life, alone, is way less fun than having people by your side. 

We all struggle and in time, we will all succeed. Everyone will have their moment in the sun and they are so much better for you and those around you if they are celebrated together. Being truly happy for someone’s success empowers you in an entirely different way. When you can be truly happy for the others in your life, you find the motivation you need to do what makes you feel whole. Invest in others and their passions because we all know how much strength and courage it takes to achieve success. This is something that has really put me on a path to my own happiness. 

I used to get stuck putting timelines on myself, because that is what everyone does. “By 25 I will be doing this and by 30, I will have done that.” It is great to set goals for yourself but over the course of your life, things change. Timelines change, people change, your career changes and you are constantly forced to adjust and move with the tides, as they say. Stop being so hard on yourself and putting unrealistic measurements of success in place because of what you see others doing around you. You do not dictate the world and timelines sometimes only force you to settle for something less than you deserve or maybe just isn’t right for you, whether it be jobs, relationships, etc. Your path is not something to be rushed, and for every person that is “ahead” of you in your mind, there are hundreds of people behind you. Everything is perception. Just know that where you are is exactly where you are supposed to be. Maybe it’s to learn a lesson, maybe it’s to dodge some sort of bullet, you never really know.

By lifting each other up, we can all be more successful. Empower those around you and trust that you will create the right destiny for you while celebrating others and more importantly, celebrating yourself for all that you have accomplished and will accomplish in the future. And ya know what? We can use social media in a positive way to reach out to others, no matter where they are and give kudos to them for their success. Change starts with only a few people, why can’t it be us?