Old Relationships Die Hard

Hanging on

For a long time, I held on to relationships and friendships because of what they had been in my life. Relationships with the people who had done so much for me or been there for me when no one else was. It’s something I have found is very common with men and women of all ages, and I don’t blame them. When you have a connection with someone or that certain person has been through a trying time in your life with you, you tend to look at them in a different way. You almost put them on a pedestal and let other things go that you normally wouldn’t with other friendships and relationships. It’s hard to look at specific people in your life and hold them accountable for their actions the way you would those around you who aren’t as close. It's weird in between the people I struggle with. Because I have no problem giving my honest opinion to someone I barely know or someone I am insanely close with, but then there are some people I feel the need to walk on eggshells around. I feel like if I say something they don’t like, some event in the past will get held over my head. I don’t claim to know much, but here’s one thing I do know: that’s no way to live.

Recently, as we all know, I have been evaluating the relationships in my life, current and past. To me, who you surround yourself with not only says a lot about who you are as a person, but also impacts and influences where you will go and what you will achieve as time goes on. I have made a conscious effort in the last year or so to surround myself with people I believe elevate me as a human being. I choose to be around people who are smarter than I, people who push me constantly and refuse to let me be mediocre. I want to involve myself with others who are not afraid to tell me when I am being irrational, petty or whiny, but will also pick me up off the ground when I have fallen. Through this process of really being picky with who I am around and who is influencing me, I have found that those in my life that either constantly hang things over my head or I've been friends with forever but don't really know me anymore, aren't the ones I want in my life now. 

To give is to gain

I have many faults as a person and I will never say that I am perfect. I actually pride myself on always wanting to improve on who I am. But something that I know about myself, is I NEVER give to people with the expectation of receiving in return. In friendships, especially with those closest to me, I love to give to those people. I love to write cards — shocking right? When I see things that remind me of friends, I have to get it and give it to them. If I believe in something someone is doing, I have to support it. I want my friends to know that they matter to me, that I think about them constantly and that they are important, but I am never keeping score. I don’t realize when I have written 10 cards to them and they haven’t written me one. I don’t care that they aren’t following my blog instagram or commenting on the things that I am doing. None of that is important to me because different people express their friendship differently. So when I am in a situation and have things held over my head, it is really off-putting. 

All of this brings me back to something I talked about recently where I touched on how all of your relationships should add value to your life. This means always. It doesn’t mean that they added value at one point and now they suck everything from you. It doesn’t mean you stay in a situation (work, friendship, etc.) just because for a second, someone did something meaningful for you. Put yourself in relationships with people who add value to your life every single day. You will argue, you will disagree, but oftentimes those disagreements either bring you closer to that person or they help you grow within yourself; and sometimes they do both. Be picky with who you surround yourself with. Not only must they benefit you and help you be better and guide you down the right path, but you have to do the same for them. Relationships of all kinds are a two-way street. As you navigate through friendships and try to figure out what you need in each phase of your own life, be the light that you are looking for and the spark for someone else in theirs.