Personal Struggles
Drained
These last two weeks have been hectic. And when I say that, yes, of course I mean busy, but also just draining for a number of reasons. Since my birthday, I have found myself lacking energy or motivation for much of anything. The whole year of 2020 so far seems like a blur and incredibly slow all at the same time. When I started this blog, it was as much for me as it was for any of you who actually take the time to read it. I started with the intention to open up dialogue a little more on topics that may be uncomfortable to talk about or deal with, or just to keep conversations rolling that I had already been in with others. Oftentimes I found myself looking for honest conversations about life, and if I was, so were others, right?
When I forgot to write last week, I was initially filled with a little panic and a whole lot of heavy weight. I felt like I had let others down by not giving them what I had promised I would each week. I felt like I needed to sit down right then and there and put something out, just because. But then I realized something: This blog really isn’t about anyone other than myself. Sure, I hope that I can offer something to others and allow them to maybe see themselves in some of the topics I touch on. I hope that what I say can guide someone in their own lives or open themselves up to having such conversations with others around them. But more than anything, writing is my outlet. Writing, for me, is a release and a way to decompress when the world feels insanely heavy or overwhelming.
Your “Why”
Realizing what this is all really about for me, got me excited to write again because I know that there are things in each and every one of your lives that feel the same way. Whether it is your job, sports, friendships, etc., we all struggle at some point with something and most times, we forget why we started doing whatever it is in the first place. We lose sight of what is important to us along the way, because our brains turn it into something we have to do, rather than something we want to do. I want to write. I love to write. It comes naturally to me, it brings me joy, it also has a tendency to help others along the way. But even with those things in your life that you love, you need reminding of why you do them.
Coaching is the same way. I’m competitive and I love to win, but for me, coaching is way more about the athletes as people as opposed to the athletes as volleyball players. I am more concerned with who they are when they leave my team or program, than what they are on the court, physically. Can they hold a conversation with an adult? Can they advocate for themselves? Are they a good teammate? Do they still have a willingness to learn, change and grow? Do they work well with others? Are they a good leader? Are they confident? Are they kind and compassionate to those around them? Are they willing to lift others up? What are they willing to sacrifice to achieve their goals? Do they understand their worth as a person? Have they learned how to embrace failure as a stepping stone toward success? Are they comfortable being uncomfortable? All of these are questions I ask myself at the end of every season. Those are my measurements of success. And when I start to question whether or not I want to coach anymore, I remember why I started in the first place.
I have a quote written on my bathroom mirror and on a piece of paper hidden in a drawer, that I can see every single day that says, “Be someone you would look up to.” It is my constant reminder of why I do what I do. I want to inspire others to be better. I want to help athletes become who I know they can be and more. I want the young women that I get to see every day- feel stronger and more confident as each day passes. I want them to be able to look at themselves and feel like they can accomplish anything. So even when times are tough, days are long and I just don’t feel like doing it anymore, I do — for them and for me.
So tomorrow, when you are dragging, questioning something, feel like everything around you is a “have to” instead of a “want to” or “get to,” stop yourself and remember what got you there to begin with. If it’s a workout, you have chosen to be there for a specific reason. If it is practice, you are there to get better, mentally and physically. If it is a doctors appointment, you are there for your health benefits. If it is family dinner, you are there to deepen your connection with the people who care for you most. Life is short. Be grateful for all the opportunities you are given and remember your “why,” because we all have one if not many.
For me, my “why” this week is ME. I am taking the time to engulf myself in my writing for my own benefit. Who knows? Maybe it will empower you along the way.
